Lunch date again...

So he has been texting and I have been ignoring but for some reason I decided to answer his texts/calls tonight and boy am I regretting that.

He decided to try to tell me how he didn't do anything wrong and I completely misunderstood him and didn't give him a chance to explain that when he invited me to the hotel he didn't mean for sex, no he meant just so we could be together.

He actually asked if I thought he would be so respectful for so long if he was only after sex? Why yes I do think you played the Christian aspect of your life to me only to come in and try for a piece of ass. And now that you failed you think telling me you love me and can't stop thinking of me is going to make me drop my drawers. Um no sir, you fail and need to go away.

I did tell him that, hopefully he gets the hint. I will NOT be returning any messages from him again!!!

Last strike out

I had been trying a new dating site up until a few months ago. I swear I know people who have met their significant others online and are blissfully happy, I also swear I am not one of those people who is destined to find someone online.

So I meet this man and he seems nice if not a tad over religious but I think to myself, hey why not give him a chance. "You never know until you try it" and "Never judge a book by its cover" are what I keep repeating to myself so as not to repeat the same tattooed patterns I had been.

We meet in person and he is a nice enough man, a bit conservative and that makes me nervous since I am so not but I figure why not keep talking to him. He starts meeting me for lunch once a week and since I only get a half hour and he lives 40 min away he is really putting in a decent effort. Its nice to be doted on, he also pays for everything. I feel bad about this so we are going to the movies and I get there first and pay and he was highly offended that I paid, he said it made him look bad. This probably should have been a warning but I let that slide.

Things are progressing, a bit slowly, bc we live so far away from each other and he is a nurse so he works crazy hours. Then one Friday we are discussing our Sat night plans and this is the text exchange:

Lunch date: We will see each other tomorrow right?

Me: Tomorrow evening, what would you like to do?

Lunch date: Yes tomorrow evening. I was thinking maybe we can have dinner and then maybe if it si oke with you maybe we can spend alone time. Maybe we can check into hotel and spend alone time together, we don't have to stay over night. What do you think?

Well I thought he was nuts and I wasn't really happy being propositioned and I told him so. Which he then got offended bc I didn't want to see him. He ends the text conversation with something like this: "I thought this was going somewhere, I put too much faith in you, I am a good person I will find what I am looking for I hope you do to." I thought it was done, I didn't respond to that and just let it go.

Then on Monday/Tuesday he starts sending me apologizing texts and one said he was upset bc I wasn't understanding him. Well if this is how you act when you are misunderstood then I am really glad I let him go. A full week after the "alone time" texticapade. He sends me another text asking if I have ever been in love with someone but didn't know how to tell them. I told him Nope, never happened and then he proceeds to tell me his heart was closed off until he met me and he is in love with me. I told him I thought he was more right a week ago and good luck finding someone else.

What the hell buddy, no you do not love me!! You thought that by saying that you would get into my panties and you would be wrong. The crazy alert bell was ringing for this one and I am glad I got out when I did. But he will forever be known as the "alone time guy".

Shin Splints....

I have become a cautious person since my divorce and ensuing dating experiences. I refuse to jump into things bc when I do I always get shin splints. So what did my dumb ass do??? I jumped and how did it turn out, shin splits with a side of frustration.

I had the brilliant notion that dating a guy from my hometown would be a good idea. Now why I went back on the deal I made with myself at 15, I have no idea. I decided at 15 that I would no longer date guys from my high school/home town (they are now interchangeable) bc of the drama that came with it. And yet I knew when I flagged him down at an event what might happen. I wanted to see what would happen well I saw and I came out short, again!!

I am frustrated with myself. I allowed myself to be treated poorly most of the time bc every now and then I was treated well. Its a stupid girl thing, I know this, I also know that I am smarter than this but that doesn't stop me from going into the situation. I am frustrated bc I jumped and really wanted this to go well and wound up breaking my own golden rule; I introduced dude man to my son. I NEVER do that!! I do not want my son to have men in and out of his life, I do not want him to see me going through guys, I do not want him to see me as an emotional mess. Even if I do go through men and am an emotional mess, that is not for him to see. He has to see me as a strong role model. He has to know that there is a way to treat a lady, how can I teach him that when I allow myself to be treated poorly. BTW, my son HATED him!!! Not only did dude man touch my son's hair and call it sexy but also slapped his own son. 1. Why would you tell a 10 year old they are sexy??? 2. Why touch someone you just met? Ok admittedly this might just be a thing my son and I don't like but still. But the thing that pissed my son off the most was the way dude man disciplined his son.

The shin splints started when I finally got the courage to ask the question to which the answer I knew but didn't want to hear. I asked why he kept standing me up and get the standard I don't know, I am sorry, I'm an ass. What was I supposed to do with that except learn where I stood? And yet I didn't give up on him right away, I called him in hopes that we could get on the same page. After he said all the right things, I thought we were on that same page. When will I learn? It started to feel as if he only called me when he was horny. But as I always have my son I cannot get a sitter at the drop of a dime so I felt he was disappointed or upset when I couldn't make it happen. Now maybe I am incorrect in this but I don't think I will ever know bc he is not an expressive person and I do not care enough to call and try to find out.

So as I end this post with my shin splits and frustration with this situation; I must tell you that I have not given up on finding someone but I think its time to do some internal work and see why I keep making the same choices while expecting different outcomes. I will leave you with a verse of a song that keeps running through my head as well as another full song that is running on a loop in my head right now.

Vs the Earth--Psycho.

What could you possibly expect out of me
When you know I only want one thing
Still you let me get it
And then you cry about being alone

Reba--Consider me gone

Every time I turn the conversation to something deeper than the weather I can feel you always shuttin' down.
And when I need an explanation for the silence, you just tell me you don't wanna talk about it now.

What you're not saying is coming in loud and clear, we're at a crossroads here...

[Chorus:]
If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
If you don't get drunk on my kiss
If you think you can do better than this then I guess we're done
Let's not drag this on
Consider me gone

With you I've always been wide open, like a window or an ocean. There is nothing I've ever tried to hide.
So when you leave me not knowin' where you're goin' I start thinkin' that we're lookin', we're lookin' at goodbye.

How about a strong shot of honesty, don't you owe that to me...

[Chorus:]
If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
If you don't get drunk on my kiss
If you think you can do better than this then I guess we're done
Let's not drag this on
Consider me gone.

Consider me a memory.
Consider me the past.
Consider me a smile in an old photograph, someone who used to make you laugh.

If I'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If I'm not that arrow to the heart of you
Then I guess we're done, let's not drag this on.
Consider me gone.
Consider me gone.
Consider me gone.
Just consider me gone.

CRAP!!!

I have never disappointed my child and I am afraid I am about to!! I waited to long to get tickets to a 3 day event this weekend and now they may be all sold out. I am going to try again tomorrow and if I have too at will call when we get down there on Thursday but oh no!!! I really really do not want to disappoint him. I feel absolutely horrible for not planning this better. I was waiting to get the money back from my ex but I shouldn't have I should have bought them right when they went on sale rather than wait until I thought I was in a better place. CRAP!!! I feel like ass right now. I am praying that we can work this out. I do not want to disappoint him at all. I have learned my lesson I will not wait until the last minute anymore. ARG!!!

Why does the Captain always pick crazy women????

My child went to visit his father at the end of last month and now it's time for me to have to go get him. Which means I have to fly to NM where his dad is currently living to get him. This has been the plan for a couple of months now. I tried to talk the monster into flying home alone with no such luck. I will tell the ex and child that if this is to happen next summer the child will be flying home alone but that can wait until next year.

So talking to captain last night he asked when I am arriving when I told him and asked if he was coming to pick me up he said No, his dad is going to. Ok is the monster coming? No is his response???? Are you kidding me, I haven't seen my child in over 3 weeks and he won't be at the airport??? Ok fine. Then he proceeds to tell me that I will be staying with his father??? I have met this man 2 x's in my life and spoken to him a handful of times and now I have to stay with his and his new wife and kids, wonderful!!!

The ex told me that the new girlfriend thought he wanted to get back together with me and told him that he could come back. WHAT????? Do I get a say in this??? BC if I do let me say unequivocally for the 1000th time that that will NEVER happen. This makes me think this chick is insecure and probably slightly crazy, wonderful!!

Some mistake my passion/irritation for still having feelings for him but in truth it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with my son. How could I ever be with a person who never thinks of their child??? Once he left he was gone, no looking back, full speed a head with his life and be damned the child he left behind. Why would I want to be with that???? So when I get there I have to think of a nice way to tell the ex's new girlfriend that I think he is a piece of crap and I will never get back with him. That is of course if I meet her, which I would like to but only for selfish reasons, as I understand it they live in a pink trailer, and I would really really like a picture of this trailer.

Here's hoping this weekend goes well and I arrive back in MD on time with my child Sunday night...

Working mom...

It has been one of those days where I feel like I am being punished for being a working mom. I work about 30 miles from home and it should take me about 40 minutes to get there. However living in the DMV area it can take MUCH longer than that.

Today for no apparent reason it took me an hour and 20 minutes to get home. One leg of my trip is 20 miles on one highway. As I got onto the ramp to this road it was slow. I kept hoping it would let up but it didn't until 1. I was almost to the last leg of my journey and 2. It was already after 6pm when I am supposed to pick up my monster.

So why am I being punished? BC being late was more annoying today since I was supposed to be at at an orientation for my son's new school next year at 6pm. On a good day I get home at 5:50, how am I supposed to make it to a meeting at 6? So I finally get there close to 630. I start looking at the paperwork and see the next orientation times are in Aug on a Thursday or Friday at either 930 or 1???? Come on now!!! So I now have to take time off from work to go meet his teacher and get the info about his new school??? I am going to have to take a 1/2 day off to attend this one.

Its just frustrating trying to work it all out. I know that teachers do not want to either stay all day at school or leave and come back, I wish there was a happy medium for all. ARG! Such a frustrating day.

Hello...

My name is Betty and I am a criticizer.

At least according to my youngest brother as he so nicely informed me tonight as we were having a discussion. All bc I have a dissenting opinion and voice it I am the criticizer?

The conversation was about another family member, I was trying to get my bro's honest opinion and he said he doesn't want to criticize that is who I am. WTH??? I am concerned about this other family member and want to know if my thoughts are sane. Fine, at least I didn't say any of this to that family member as that would have been rude.

I think that the reason it pissed me off so much is bc when I was little my parents would leave me in charge but when I would tell my brothers not to do something or to do a chore or whatever and they would call me bossy. So my dad jumped on it and for years he called me bossy.

I probably over reacted by getting off the phone with him and slamming my phone down calling him a dickhead. I thought I hung up but my phone is stupid and it didn't hang up so he heard it. I feel bad that he heard me and should apologize but won't.