We need to do better

Editors note: I started this blog in April, I am not sure why I didn't post it but an article on yahoo in regards to the Ohio case and Serena William's comments made me come back to it and I realized I needed to hit publish. 

This week I read an article about Canadian teen Rehteah Parsons who hung herself after over a year of being bullied after pictures of her surfaced being raped and were circulated throughout her school and community. Today I read an article about a Californian teen, Audrie Pott, who hung herself 8 days after  allegedly being sexually assaulted while unconscious. There were pictures in this instance as well that circulated her community and school. Finally there is the Ohio instance of a young girl passing out and being sexually assaulted at a party. The only way she knew something had happened were the photos the circulated her community and school.

What is wrong with teenagers today and where are the parents and other adults in their lives? Where are they going to get alcohol, why do boys think it's ok to sexually assault an unconscious female, take pictures of it happening and circulate them, and why do the other teens find it appropriate to then share these horrible pictures with others? The pictures which could be described as child porn.

I feel like there is an epidemic going on with teens today that needs to be addressed. 1st why are boys not being taught that a passed out girl is off limits? Why do they think its ok to touch a passed out girl? Then how is it that their brains allow them to think it's ok to take pictures of their actions and share these pictures? I am starting to think that everyone who sent these pictures should be charged with child porn and anyone who didn't send them but received them and didn't report them should also be charged. This has to stop!

2nd alcohol isn't something they should be getting their hands on especially in these quantities, where are the parents and how do they not notice all of this alcohol being consumed? If its not happening at homes then elsewhere how are the teens getting the alcohol, the articles do not mention older people involved, everyone mentioned is under age. Which leads me to believe either parents are supplying the alcohol and should be held responsible or retailers are selling to underage kids and should be shut down.

3rd girls need to start having more respect for themselves as individuals and as a group. Why are the girls who receive these images not appalled by them and forced to take action? What if that was them, wouldn't they want someone to stand up for them? I just don't understand this.

4th where in the hell are the adults in these communities? In the Canadian instance the girl reported the assault but the police said it came down to "he said/she said" and couldn't go to court. Because clearly picture evidence isn't worth a damn in Canada. The girl left school due to bullying, why wasn't the school administration working to help her and teach the others how to behave since clearly the parents/adults in the community had failed. In the Ohio situation, the accused are star football stars and the community didn't want to hurt their football season. Are you flipping kidding me? The girl in California suffered for 8 days before she hung herself, there may not have been time in that instance to know there was a problem. I think kids can be secretive when something is bothering them. However in the other two cases the adults around the girls were well aware of the issues going on and didn't do anything to help them.

As a society we need to do better. Boys need to be taught that you cannot take advantage of a girl, if she is unconscious she is off limits, if she in inebriated she is off limits, if she says no she is also off limits. It doesn't matter if she flirted with you at one point or another, it doesn't matter if you thought she would be ok with it nor does it matter what she is wearing. If you think you might get in trouble you probably will so don't, it's that simple. Girls need to be taught to respect themselves. No person is allowed to take advantage of you, it doesn't just happen, and it's not your fault. Adults need to figure out how to stop the flow of alcohol into our youth bc clearly that helps the bad situations to become worse. School personal need to be vigilant and if that means overly cautious so be it but they need to work on stopping the re-victimization in the schools. Law enforcement need to start punishing the boys who do the victimizing, the kids who do the bullying, and the parents who turn blind eyes to the crap their children are doing or the kids around them are doing.

Betty's horrible, terrible, no good very bad day

Today just blew and I can't seem to shake it so I am hoping that if I write it all down the bad jewjew will get off of me.

Woke up the child this AM and he insisted he had a sore throat and needed more sleep so I tell him to suck it up and get up. He is tired bc he went to bed late, then woke up in the middle of the night. I told him he didn't have a sore throat when he was eating his Halloween candy and out the door I go.

My co-worker texted me and told me that traffic was bad on one of the streets I take as a back road so I figured traffic would be slow but not as slow as it was. Consequently I was late to work but I got there before my boss and before the corporate guy who was coming in. So this could be considered a wash it just frustrated me that traffic was slow for no visible reason.

Within an hour of being at work the child's school called and saying he was in the health room with a slight fever. I didn't feel like I could leave work bc corporate finally came down to help me out after a week of putting it off. (yes I know there was a freak storm this week, however if they expected me to make it in they could have made it up...). My aunt was a godsend and picked up the child for me and brought him home.

We are short staffed (until Monday...) so the driver decides to leave to go on his route instead of helping the lone yard guy unload a delivery plus helping the multiple customers that arrive at the same time. So I go out to help load customers since the lone yard guy is swamped. My first customer goes fine, get him what he needs and off he goes. The second guy, not so much. I dropped a piece of pipe on my finger then the same pipe wound up falling on my head. ARG!! Luckily it was a piece of plastic pipe, not the cast iron but it still hurt.

I was already scheduled to work a half day to take the child to the orthodontist so when I leave I get home and have to wake him up. I know he is really not feeling well when I find him asleep, he never naps. We get to the orthodontist and he tells them he isn't feeling well so no one will work on him for fear of getting infected??? So a wasted half day of work. When I go to reschedule his appointment I asked if I would have been charged a cancellation fee today and was told yes. So what did they expect me to do? I am not going to pay especially when I have already taken a half day. So I rescheduled his appointment but the only times  they have available are 9:30 AM so I have to figure out how to get him to a new appointment.

And finally as I am leaving the orthodontist I get a text to call the office bc corporate wants to talk to me. When I call in he proceeds to tell me that the reason we were having issues is something I did in May. His explanation makes NO sense to me but I am sure he has already told my direct boss and got him all pissed at me. This just blows!!!

So I am sitting here watching a chick flick drinking spiked lemonade my brother gave me for my birthday willing this horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day to end.

A much overdue update

I haven't really updated about myself recently so today on my day off I decided to write a hopefully quick update.

Work: I took a managers position that opened up at work. I am no fan of being the boss I have decided!! I do not like having to speak to adults who should know what there job is and should be doing it, I mean come on people. But I am a pretty good paper pusher and I think I have gotten a handle on doing inventory counts. I only have three left next week which I will be able to finish. I am anal about figuring out material when things aren't adding up and I think upper management likes this. I do not have a handle on ordering inventory but am getting better at it. I have been able to say a bunch lately, I have the items needed on order. But I still need to work on that. And probably need to work on getting to work earlier than right on time. I get stuck in traffic so often its so frustrating.

Child: We survived the first year of middle school and have now started the second year. So far so good. For the most part he is a good kid but as with all children he still has phases that drive me crazy. He just turned 12 and with that he went through this lovely "I want phase" he still has money to spend and when he gets a hair up his butt he gets really pushy to go spend his money. With other people he is still very good and on his best behavior which is so good. I am happy that we haven't reached full on puberty yet. Fingers crossed I have a few more updates before that happens.

Love life: Is amazing!! I met a man and it's been really good for the past 6 months. He has met the monster and things there couldn't be any better. He introduced us to drag racing, we now go to the track a couple times a month to watch races. Its great family time. The monster asks about him all time, I didn't realize how much the monster needed a man in his life on a more steady basis than the weekends when we are around family. The new guy has met my family and I have met his. We spend most of our free time together and have lots of family time. It's really nice and I am so happy. I have avoided updating on this bc I don't want to jinx it but I think we are out of the jinx zone.

So there is my update. I am one happy camper right now.

Tagged

I was tagged last month and did start this but am horrible about posting so I am finishing it tonight.

1. If money were no object, what would you buy right no

Brand new furniture to go in my brand new house.

2. Who is your favorite TV character and why?

Charlotte from Private Practice, she has a banging career, a great husband, is strong woman who speaks her mind and isn't afraid to offend others with her opinions.

3. What shameful habit do you have?

I become obsessed with something and have to finish weather that be a book or a tv series so I will spend all of my time doing that and nothing else.

4. What toy do you wish you could play with right now but refrain from because you're an adult?
Not a toy but Dream Date, the old board game from middle school.

5. What strange thing is in your purse right now?

A can of mase, its strange bc it's pink, bc I HATE pink.

6. What talent do you wish you had?
the talent to lose weight at will.

7. What website do you visit on a regular basis? (pinterest and facebook don't count)
People.com

8. What state would you live in if you could live in any state in the US?
One of the Carolina's. I just like the way that sounds, I live in North or South Caroline. I would still be on the east coast but the weather would be warmer longer. Oh and closer to FL so I could visit Disney or Harry Potter World.

9. What is your favorite local restaurant? (no chains allowed)

The Alamo in Hyattsville

10. Fruity or chocolaty?
Chocolatey.

11. What weird things bother you that wouldn't bother other people?
I HATE smacking lips or sucking teeth or eating with your mouth open. Most of my coworkers seem to fall into this realm of annoyingness. I have to use my earbuds to ignore them bc they are so loud. Come on now people were you raised by wolves?

So according to these rules:

**You must post the rules {?!}
**Answer the 11 questions that the tagger posted for you & then create 11 questions to ask the people you’ve tagged
**Tag 11 people and link them in your post
**Let them know you have tagged them

I now must tag 11 people but I do not know who would be willing to do this. If you are willing to do this consider yourself tagged, here are my questions:

1. Why do you like do you like to answer questions?

2.What is your favorite TV show and why?

3. if you could live someone's TV life, who's?

4. If you could play or play an instrument what would/is it?

5.What color best describes you?

6. What is your dream job?

7. Can you recommend a great book to read?

8.If you could live anywhere where would it be and why?

9.Muppets or fraggles?

10.What smartphone would you recommend and why?

11.What is your favorite 80's movie?

Planned Parenthood

Most of the time my posts are stories about my lovely love life or my frustrations with my ex. Today I am taking a different tone here and I hope if you are reading you bear with me. I tend to try to keep my politics to myself bc I am a liberal surrounded by conservatives. Mind you I love all of these conservatives dearly I just utterly disagree with them. I don't want to cause strain so I simply avoid topics that I know are going to cause disagreements. But lately I have heard a lot about planned parenthood and its all driving me nuts.

Planned Parenthood is not simply an abortion provider, yes that is a legal service they provide, but they also provide MANY more services to help women with low incomes get the healthcare they so desperately need. I find it appalling that bc they provide abortions people are willing to write off the good they do. When Susan G Komen decided to pull their grant money from Planned Parenthood, I was pissed bc clearly they were bowing to the conservative view point and didn't pay attention to the laws and what the money from their grants actually went to which is breast cancer screening. That just so happens to be what SGK is all about, right?

SGK did reverse their position and give the grants back to planned parenthood after a public outcry but it doesn't appear that it was a permanent reversal but just for this year. I wonder what will happen next year will they continue to give grants to PP or drop the line item from their budget?

How should I respond to this?

Started on 2/10 but never posted

My ex wanted to talk to me tonight, I figured it was about the monster's summer trip. The monster has been saying he doesn't want to go and I figured he wanted to know if I had made any headway with the monster. Boy was I wrong, instead he had a favor to ask of me. He told me that he did his taxes and would be getting back a substantial amount of money since he claimed his girlfriends kid. He asked me if I would give him back some of it since he is only getting it bc he is claiming another child. The amount he asked for back is less than half of what I might be getting back, I will give him that much he didn't ask for it all back.

If you know me you know that I thought about this and am still thinking about it. But I did tell him No and really hope to be able to hold my ground with that answer. I am so taken back that he would ask me this but really why should I be, I am the one he called when he was upset about his mistress and the one he asked for rent money from, the one who helped him out when he was evicted, the one he called and complained about the second wife-now soon to be 2nd ex wife. I am way to nice to this man sometimes so he will of course ask me for help all the time.

I explained to him that if I were to give him back any part of the money I am doubly screwed bc not only will I be out the money but he will be off the hook with the state of MD and I will have no recourse bc he will have been given the credit for it. He doesn't get it. He said he would pay me back which I have heard so many times before I have lost count. I reminded him of the train ticket I bought for him and the plane tickets I bought, both of which were recent things I have paid for that he hasn't paid me back yet. I reminded him that I set up a special back account that he requested that he was supposed to put money in. I am sure he has lost the bank account.

He actually started attacking me and said since he pays his child support why doesn't the monster have stuff when he goes to visit his father? Like what I ask. I sent 10 pairs of socks, 10 pairs of underwear, 10-12 shirts, and all his shorts. What else was I supposed to send? The ex says the monsters shoes were falling apart. Really the ex bought the kid a $30 pair of shoes and he is complaining. When the ex was in town he asked if the three of us could go shopping for shoes for the monster and the two of them picked out $75 shoes that I paid for. Those were paid for when the ex wasn't working so he cannot say his child support went to any of that. I explained that child support also goes towards living expense, food and shelter. That the child wants to play sports this season which is all going to cost me and yet somehow the ex feels he has the right to get on my case.

The worse part of this whole situation is that the child was in the living room with me and heard my end of the conversation. I have tried so hard to keep this stuff from the child. I don't want him to think his dad doesn't want to help. I know that it's his father's mindset and that he and I see things differently, however the child doesn't understand that yet. I had to show the kid the child support website so he would see all of the payments the ex has made recently. I asked if he had any questions and he said no. However I could tell his mind was working and he was upset.

4/14 addition:

Since this phone call the monster has definitely displayed more hostility about his father. It has not been fun. I know the monster is old enough to make up his own mind about his dad I just didn't think he would be so vocal about it. I am not sure why I am so surprised I am pretty vocal in my opinions so it shouldn't be a surprise that my child is too. I was just hoping that he wouldn't be so angry with his father but from what I have heard from others and read about its not uncommon for children to be angry. I just hate to see the monster hurting.

What's done is done. Or is it...

I tend to have the mindset that once whatever is done, its done. Things don't always end the first time you think they have nor do they always end well but once things are done, they are done.

Should they be allowed to resurface?

I was thinking about my new years resolutions lately and was thinking that there was something that I needed to add to it. I really need to go back to my only looking forward mindset. Because I tend to repeat patterns and I need to stop that bc after all isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and expecting a different result. I do this in most aspects of my life; in relationships, with my child, in my professional life, with my ex husband. I need to look forward and move forward rather than looking backwards.