Kick me, please I beg you....

When it rains it pours!

Things with my family aren't going well. Work has been stressful. The child has had an attitude, it feels like its coming from all sides right now and I am angry. All I want is a vacation where when I come back things will be fine. I know wishful thinking, I cannot run away from this.

But I am tired of taking it. Yesterday I was complimented on my shirt. I said I like it but the sleeves are tight, they were tight when I bought it I was going to return it but I needed it for an interview. Well the woman I said that to says " its not the sleeves that are tight" so was she implying that its my arms that are fat? Gee thanks...

Today is my son's birthday. I brought in cupcakes to share. I offered it to a co-worker (not the same one from yesterdays comment) and she asks how old my son is. I told her nine and she says wow you started early, how old were you? So I tell her I was 17 to which she responds wow. So I say yes I was young but I went to college, got my degree, and am doing pretty well for myself. Where do people get off judging???? It is not my fault she waited until her 30's to have her children. She can kiss my large white ass!!!

I am done. I just want to be left the hell alone to do my job and go home.

Family frustration

Recently I have been noticing the fact that my mom has the tendency to jump down my throat about things but not my brother for the same behavior. Its been driving me nuts. Also I have become the butt of all jokes and they get said over and over in front of anyone who is around. I am just tired of it. I actually walked out on Fathers day dinner b/c I was so annoyed with the family.

So the recent blow up happened after the monsters birthday party ended. The family and my closest friends were hanging out when my brother gets annoyed with my fathers comment and flicks him off then I chime in so he flicks me off. I point out to my mom the evidently I need to grow some balls and grow tall and skinny and I won't get bitched out for flicking people off. My brother responds in what world would you be skinny. Oh shithead fine, I let it go.
So fast forward a little bit and my brother brings out a corona for himself and our dad but he doesn't bring the bottle opener b/c he thinks the tops are twist off. Most people know that isn't true so we pick on him for this and he gets all pissy and my dad tells me to back off my brother. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!
At the end of July I threw a welcome home BBQ for the monster at my house, I bought charcoal and asked the guy for matchlight but the stuff he pointed out needed lighter fluid. My dad was all over me for that in front of everyone and even brought it back up at the monsters birthday party. But I cannot say anything to my brother about not bringing out a bottle opener.
I so frustrated with the obvious babying of my brother I decide its time for me to get my stuff and get out of there so I start cleaning up but my mom says I can wait and get stuff the following day when I say no I want it all tonight she gets mad at me for being mad.
I point out that my brother does the same thing I do but nothing gets said to him. She launches into this whole thing about she doesn't know why I can't see that she loves us both and that she treats us the same. I pointed out that no she does not and she still can't see it. She has told me before that I am critical of her so I point out that she is of me as well and site examples which she doesn't remember and then says that she bites her tongue a lot. So that is supposed to make it better???? again are you kidding me????? I feel like no matter how much I do she is never happy with things for example yes I got pregnant at 17 but I have worked my ass off to take care of myself and get no credit for it. She said that she cannot tell me she is proud of me or that I did a good job b/c it will make my brothers feel bad. Why can she not tell me I did a good job at something and that each one of the boys did something good too? I guess none of us do anything to make her proud...
So I let things go with my mom get my stuff together and leave. I call my dad and tell him I don't appreciate being chastised in front of everyone when my brother is allowed to hit below the belt and gets away with it, he claims he pulled him aside to say something but I didn't see it and neither did my friend who was there but whatever. He then goes on to say he is sorry that I don't like the way he runs things at his house. So basically he is saying tough shit!

The next day at church my mom won't sit with us. The thing about that is that one Sunday I sat behind her and she had a fit b/c she didn't want people to think something was wrong, we have to sit together as a family she said at the time but now she sat with my other brother (not the one who made the asshole comment). I highly doubt she didn't see me b/c 1. she called to see if I was on my way so she knew I would be there 2. my car was parked right in front of the door she walked in and 3. I was sitting on the isle in a bright orange shirt, hard to miss!!! So after the service I have to talk to her b/c I need to get something my brother borrowed from me and she is like so you are still mad. How in the hell am I supposed to feel?????

Ok fine. As it is painfully obvious that I am not only the ugly step child in my moms eyes but now my dads too I will deal with it. I was having a conversation with the monster about his dad and trying to explain to him that unfortunatly he cannot change his dads behavior but he can change how he reacts to his father. Funny how this advice is just what I need to do myself when it comes to my family.

I will get over things with my family and I will try to figure out a way for the monster to see his grandparents without me having to be there so that I don't have to put myself into the uncomfortable position often. My mom will just have to get over it, I am done! I will try to change how I react to her obvious babying of my brothers.
Only time will tell if I am strong enough to walk away from this but I am going to try my damdest.

As the drama turns....

So captain called today and guess what that craptacular father cannot come up for his son's birthday. He gave me some sob story about how if he takes the time for his son's birthday he will not have a job to come back to. Ok that may be true so why does he continue to work there? I mean if they are not understanding about his son and needing some time off then maybe the paternal figure should find another job????
It pisses me off so much!! He has not made one desicion where he thought about his son since we split up, he only thinks about himself and that erks the crap out of me!! A woman who has known me for a while and knew the ex when we were married called last night and was telling me how much she thinks he has changed and she too pointed out that he doesn't make any desicions with his son in mind. I am glad I am not the only one who sees it.
I would really like go to GA and hit him in the head so that maybe it will knock some sense into him. I know that it won't do any good so there is no point wasting my time I realize this but I still want to go beat his ass!!!

Birthday Drama

The monster's turning 9 in a few weeks and I am getting things together for it. I don't go into big plans anymore b/c between both families and the friends that we invite we are up to almost 100 people!! I cannot do a big themes for this many people so instead I rented a moon bounce and will host a BBQ at my parents house. It will be fun, I hope, it was last year.
So tonight after I tell the monster to go to bed he decides we need to talk b/c he no longer wants his dad to come to his party. What am I supposed to do with that? He is really upset with his father and complains to me but will not try talking to his father. I am not going to tell his father not to come. I think the monster would be very upset if his dad didn't come even if the father doesn't come b/c the monster told him not to. I have no idea how to make this right?
I think part of this was b/c the monster was tired and getting ready to go to bed but this has become a common theme with our conversations about his father. I have to say that I normally do not bring up his father b/c I don't want to deal with it, to be honest. I know he is upset and I keep telling him to talk to his father and I keep telling his father what he says but it gets no where. I feel like I am in the middle of this and cannot get out. Neither of them is willing to communicate with the other. The most annoying thing about this is that his father is an adult and needs to try something!!! I am tired of this shit but I get it, his father is remarried with another family and doesn't care about his son anymore, it makes me mad and admittedly bitter! It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

He's Married...WTF????

ARG! my ex husband is re-married!!!
I do not know why this bothers me but it sure as shit does! He finally shows up with the monster at 4pm today after all the drama of not being able to leave on time then the fight we had yesterday where he called me an irresponsible parent b/c he claims I sent the kid with wholly cloths and cloths that didn't fit. Although he has let the health insurance lapse again but he is not irresponsible???? ARG!!!
So back to the marriage thing...why does he get another happy ending?
What the hell did I do wrong so that I cannot find even someone to date? I am online and nothing, I am active in my church and nothing, I go out with the girls and nothing. What should I be doing? I am just annoyed right now. Why why why?????

Oh the drama!!

The ex has struck again. For the purpose of this blog he will be referred to as captain Jack short for captain Jackass!
How it all started this week:

Wednsday I get a call from the monster and it goes something like this:
"Hi Mama, I will be leaving GA at 5 on Friday, I will see you some time Sunday"
Me: 5pm?
Him: "yes"
Me: "so you won't be here on Friday like you were supposed to"
him: no
Me: "can I talk to your father?
him: "he's at work"
Me: "is his girlfriend around?"
him: "she's sleeping"
Me: "wonderful"

Call ends after a little bit more useless conversation.
I am fuming at this point so I call captain jack at work to find out what is going on. He tells me that I don't need the monster back until Monday so what is the big deal. The big deal??? Is that you didn't have the courtsey to tell me things had changed. He tells me that he got stuck working b/c someone quit, ok that is fine I understand that and had he told me I would have been annoyed but now I am pissed.
Mind you I have been fuming since finding this out. I want to talk to captain again but he is always working so I can't. Since I am mad I decide I need to talk to him about health insurrance since he is supposed to cover the monster.

Today I call and talk to the monster and ask if his father is around and of course captain is no where to be found so I talk to the girlfriend. I explain that the reason I am pissed is b/c I had to ask when the monster would be coming home and he didn't tell me things changed. I understand stuff happens. Well she lets slip out that the reason they aren't leaving until late is b/c...SHE has to work until 3pm and then HER kids aren't getting picked up until around 5pm. She told me she told captain to just bring the monster home without but he said no. I believe this b/c he cannot stand to be away from his significant other. Maybe he is afraid she will wise up and see that he is a no good little man that cannot make it on his own and is full of bullshit and whines too much and doesn't take responsibility for his own actions.
Sorry for the tangent...
Back to the conversation with the girlfriend. I tell her that I still need to talk to captain about health insurrance b/c he was supposed to have it for the monster 2 months ago and she simply states he didn't get it. So I tell her, its in the agreement that he will take care of that and he needs to have the common curtsey to tell me these things and not make me ask.
So now I am livid!!!!! LIVID!!!! I will be putting together all the information I have and taking him to court for repayment of past crap I have paid for the 60% of out of pocket medical expenses from when he lost his job before. Also I want full custody, this isn't working anymore and he isn't making any effort.

Last year I said I wouldn't send the monster to GA again and now I am sure of it. I plan to sign the monster up for baseball which means he won't be available until around the fourth then I want him to go to church camp which will put him not being available until the 3rd or 4th week in July and I will find something else for him to do as well so that it if he goes down he only gets 2-3 weeks. Then if the monster fights me, I am siding with him! I am done being nice!

Now this is posted as a reminder to myself when I start being nice, please remind me about this so I go through with it.

Interesting story

http://www.wbaltv.com/news/20124542/detail.html

This is a story I saw on the news tonight and had to look it up. Three Baltimore boys ages 7,8, and 11 were arrested for stealing from their neighbor. They were handcuffed, taken in a paddy wagon to the juvenile detention center and held for about 2 hours.
Part of me thinks this is a pretty good idea b/c they will hopefully learn early that their are consequences for their actions. But another part of me thinks they are too young to be arrested. However the question arises if they had not been caught by police would they have continued down this path? One of the children is quotes as saying he and his friends saw his neighbors bikes, scooter, and go-kart and decided to take them. Why did they think it was a good idea to take something that wasn't theirs? It boggles my mind. I saw a clip of one of the moms talking and she didn't seem to get that her son did wrong and should be punished.
I am trying to think about what I would do if the monster was to get into trouble for stealing and I know I would be embarrassed but I think I would support the cops b/c they were following the rules and my child was not. I am still at odds with how I feel but it is interesting...