CRAP!!!

I have never disappointed my child and I am afraid I am about to!! I waited to long to get tickets to a 3 day event this weekend and now they may be all sold out. I am going to try again tomorrow and if I have too at will call when we get down there on Thursday but oh no!!! I really really do not want to disappoint him. I feel absolutely horrible for not planning this better. I was waiting to get the money back from my ex but I shouldn't have I should have bought them right when they went on sale rather than wait until I thought I was in a better place. CRAP!!! I feel like ass right now. I am praying that we can work this out. I do not want to disappoint him at all. I have learned my lesson I will not wait until the last minute anymore. ARG!!!

Why does the Captain always pick crazy women????

My child went to visit his father at the end of last month and now it's time for me to have to go get him. Which means I have to fly to NM where his dad is currently living to get him. This has been the plan for a couple of months now. I tried to talk the monster into flying home alone with no such luck. I will tell the ex and child that if this is to happen next summer the child will be flying home alone but that can wait until next year.

So talking to captain last night he asked when I am arriving when I told him and asked if he was coming to pick me up he said No, his dad is going to. Ok is the monster coming? No is his response???? Are you kidding me, I haven't seen my child in over 3 weeks and he won't be at the airport??? Ok fine. Then he proceeds to tell me that I will be staying with his father??? I have met this man 2 x's in my life and spoken to him a handful of times and now I have to stay with his and his new wife and kids, wonderful!!!

The ex told me that the new girlfriend thought he wanted to get back together with me and told him that he could come back. WHAT????? Do I get a say in this??? BC if I do let me say unequivocally for the 1000th time that that will NEVER happen. This makes me think this chick is insecure and probably slightly crazy, wonderful!!

Some mistake my passion/irritation for still having feelings for him but in truth it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with my son. How could I ever be with a person who never thinks of their child??? Once he left he was gone, no looking back, full speed a head with his life and be damned the child he left behind. Why would I want to be with that???? So when I get there I have to think of a nice way to tell the ex's new girlfriend that I think he is a piece of crap and I will never get back with him. That is of course if I meet her, which I would like to but only for selfish reasons, as I understand it they live in a pink trailer, and I would really really like a picture of this trailer.

Here's hoping this weekend goes well and I arrive back in MD on time with my child Sunday night...

Working mom...

It has been one of those days where I feel like I am being punished for being a working mom. I work about 30 miles from home and it should take me about 40 minutes to get there. However living in the DMV area it can take MUCH longer than that.

Today for no apparent reason it took me an hour and 20 minutes to get home. One leg of my trip is 20 miles on one highway. As I got onto the ramp to this road it was slow. I kept hoping it would let up but it didn't until 1. I was almost to the last leg of my journey and 2. It was already after 6pm when I am supposed to pick up my monster.

So why am I being punished? BC being late was more annoying today since I was supposed to be at at an orientation for my son's new school next year at 6pm. On a good day I get home at 5:50, how am I supposed to make it to a meeting at 6? So I finally get there close to 630. I start looking at the paperwork and see the next orientation times are in Aug on a Thursday or Friday at either 930 or 1???? Come on now!!! So I now have to take time off from work to go meet his teacher and get the info about his new school??? I am going to have to take a 1/2 day off to attend this one.

Its just frustrating trying to work it all out. I know that teachers do not want to either stay all day at school or leave and come back, I wish there was a happy medium for all. ARG! Such a frustrating day.

Hello...

My name is Betty and I am a criticizer.

At least according to my youngest brother as he so nicely informed me tonight as we were having a discussion. All bc I have a dissenting opinion and voice it I am the criticizer?

The conversation was about another family member, I was trying to get my bro's honest opinion and he said he doesn't want to criticize that is who I am. WTH??? I am concerned about this other family member and want to know if my thoughts are sane. Fine, at least I didn't say any of this to that family member as that would have been rude.

I think that the reason it pissed me off so much is bc when I was little my parents would leave me in charge but when I would tell my brothers not to do something or to do a chore or whatever and they would call me bossy. So my dad jumped on it and for years he called me bossy.

I probably over reacted by getting off the phone with him and slamming my phone down calling him a dickhead. I thought I hung up but my phone is stupid and it didn't hang up so he heard it. I feel bad that he heard me and should apologize but won't.

Why am I always the stand it?

I am tired of being a man's stand in until they find who they are looking for.

I met this guy online in Nov/Dec and I thought we hit it off and have similar personalities but today he emails me and tells me he is talking to someone else. ok fine, good luck with that. But the more I sat here the madder I got..WTH buddy he would only talk to me during work hours via email and only wanted to get together if he was going to get some. Instead of taking the high road I told him that. At one point he says "I really enjoy talking to ya and think ur a smart, funny, sexy girl...I don't know" Again WTH??? So I responded "you do know and its not me, good luck."

After all of this all I want is a big old glass of wine and a Hershey bar but 1. I am at work and 2. I gave up chocolate for lent, boo!!! And now my question to the universe: When am I going to meet a man who wants me for me and not a damn stand in?

Could I leave the Monster?

The answer to this question is a resounding Hell No!

I was catching up on my yahoo tonight when I came across this article:

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/the-opposite-of-a-tiger-mother-leaving-your-children-behind-2460982/

The women in this article have given up being full time mom's and decided to go "find themselves" or "be there person they could have been at 20" WTH is that???? That is a load of horse shit!!! This goes for both mom's and dad's. How can you decide that you no longer want to be a parent, shouldn't you think about this before you either knock someone up or spread your legs? I mean come on now people.

I know parenting is hard, believe me I know! Its hard as part of a parenting unit and its hard by yourself. But you have 9 months to think about what you want to do before the child is born why do that to a kid or kids? I cannot imagine that the line in the article about the parents being closer to kids farther away is true, not for the children. Children need their parents, both of them!

The reason my ex is referred to as Captain Jackass doesn't have anything to do with his cheating but entirely over his horrible treatment of the monster since we split. There are some things I find unforgivable and truthfully cheating isn't necessarily on top of that list. Its all about children. It drives me nuts when people say they don't have time or money for their children but make tons of time for their personal desires ie. nights out with friends, pampering themselves, buying new electronics, ect. My ex once bought a new stereo for his car but couldn't give me child support and when I pointed this out he said it was only $50, well that was $50 I could have used for new clothes or food or gas to drive the child everywhere. He decided around the time of my sons 5th birthday that is was better for them not to see each other. What is that about??? I was so mad. I think it had to do with his mistress not liking the fact that he had a child. I cannot figure out why anyone would chose not to see their child???

I know I complain about the monster and his attitude and that I like a break every now and then but I do not ever want a permanent break from him, he is mi vida. Some day I will be able to look back at these posts and those on his blog and regale his future family of stories of a husband, father, uncle becoming a man and testing his boundaries. How can anyone decide to walk away from a life they helped create and mold for a time period. (I am not talking about adoption where a person decides to give up a child to a better life then they can provide, to make that difficult decision I applaud a person).

To protest or not to protest?

I am the type of person who stands up for what I believe in, there is a charity in the neighborhood I grew up in that does good work but when they moved in were not nice to the neighborhood so I don't give them money, I find other places to help. I don't shop at one specific store if I can avoid it bc of the way the company treats their employees.

These are personal choices I have made and try to stick by them. I can shop elsewhere and spend a bit more at another store, I can donate to other organizations that do the same thing in the community other than the one that I find to be rude.

Now the question becomes should I boycott every organization that doesn't share the same beliefs as I do? So should I stop shopping at my favorite store bc they gave a candidate money who has taken an opposing side than I on one issue? Should I not go to the fast food place down the street bc they gave free food to an organization that I don't agree with? Where would it end? Not everyone is going to agree with what I believe, hell my parents and I argue all the time about certain issues, should I boycott them? Isn't that what made this country what it is today...freedom. So maybe I don't donate to the companies charities that I don't like but should I stop going to them all together?

I am conflicted over this and am not sure which way I feel is right to go...