How should I respond to this?

Started on 2/10 but never posted

My ex wanted to talk to me tonight, I figured it was about the monster's summer trip. The monster has been saying he doesn't want to go and I figured he wanted to know if I had made any headway with the monster. Boy was I wrong, instead he had a favor to ask of me. He told me that he did his taxes and would be getting back a substantial amount of money since he claimed his girlfriends kid. He asked me if I would give him back some of it since he is only getting it bc he is claiming another child. The amount he asked for back is less than half of what I might be getting back, I will give him that much he didn't ask for it all back.

If you know me you know that I thought about this and am still thinking about it. But I did tell him No and really hope to be able to hold my ground with that answer. I am so taken back that he would ask me this but really why should I be, I am the one he called when he was upset about his mistress and the one he asked for rent money from, the one who helped him out when he was evicted, the one he called and complained about the second wife-now soon to be 2nd ex wife. I am way to nice to this man sometimes so he will of course ask me for help all the time.

I explained to him that if I were to give him back any part of the money I am doubly screwed bc not only will I be out the money but he will be off the hook with the state of MD and I will have no recourse bc he will have been given the credit for it. He doesn't get it. He said he would pay me back which I have heard so many times before I have lost count. I reminded him of the train ticket I bought for him and the plane tickets I bought, both of which were recent things I have paid for that he hasn't paid me back yet. I reminded him that I set up a special back account that he requested that he was supposed to put money in. I am sure he has lost the bank account.

He actually started attacking me and said since he pays his child support why doesn't the monster have stuff when he goes to visit his father? Like what I ask. I sent 10 pairs of socks, 10 pairs of underwear, 10-12 shirts, and all his shorts. What else was I supposed to send? The ex says the monsters shoes were falling apart. Really the ex bought the kid a $30 pair of shoes and he is complaining. When the ex was in town he asked if the three of us could go shopping for shoes for the monster and the two of them picked out $75 shoes that I paid for. Those were paid for when the ex wasn't working so he cannot say his child support went to any of that. I explained that child support also goes towards living expense, food and shelter. That the child wants to play sports this season which is all going to cost me and yet somehow the ex feels he has the right to get on my case.

The worse part of this whole situation is that the child was in the living room with me and heard my end of the conversation. I have tried so hard to keep this stuff from the child. I don't want him to think his dad doesn't want to help. I know that it's his father's mindset and that he and I see things differently, however the child doesn't understand that yet. I had to show the kid the child support website so he would see all of the payments the ex has made recently. I asked if he had any questions and he said no. However I could tell his mind was working and he was upset.

4/14 addition:

Since this phone call the monster has definitely displayed more hostility about his father. It has not been fun. I know the monster is old enough to make up his own mind about his dad I just didn't think he would be so vocal about it. I am not sure why I am so surprised I am pretty vocal in my opinions so it shouldn't be a surprise that my child is too. I was just hoping that he wouldn't be so angry with his father but from what I have heard from others and read about its not uncommon for children to be angry. I just hate to see the monster hurting.

What's done is done. Or is it...

I tend to have the mindset that once whatever is done, its done. Things don't always end the first time you think they have nor do they always end well but once things are done, they are done.

Should they be allowed to resurface?

I was thinking about my new years resolutions lately and was thinking that there was something that I needed to add to it. I really need to go back to my only looking forward mindset. Because I tend to repeat patterns and I need to stop that bc after all isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and expecting a different result. I do this in most aspects of my life; in relationships, with my child, in my professional life, with my ex husband. I need to look forward and move forward rather than looking backwards.

New Years Resolutions

I am actually thinking about resolutions this year. Normally I just ignore them bc I doubt I will stick to them but this year is different. I am 29 and am HATING it. I don't feel like I am where I should be for a 29 year old and in my head I have a number of things I told myself I would have taken care of by the time I turn 30 and as I am 9 months away from that end date I should probably start working towards them. That being said I need to write down my resolutions for this year that will get me to my 30 year old goals.

1. I need to get healthier, I need to start working out and eating better. My lovely brother bought me Zumba for Christmas so I can start working out at home. I have fixed the payment for my gym membership so maybe I will be able to work out a schedule to go there too.

2. I need to get my finances in order. My 30 year old goals include getting a 401K set up.

3. I need to clean out my house, I have too much crap.

4. I need to get the child onto a chore schedule. He did really well this week with me leaving him a morning note with a chore a day so maybe I will have to continue that on a calendar so that he gets into a habit of helping around the house.

5. I need to pay more attention to the child's school work and work with him to help him want to do well and get organized.

Now me being honest with myself, I have never been good at sticking to resolutions/goals but I really want to work on these which is why I writing them down and posting them on the internet, hopefully this will help keep me on track to reach my goals, 9 months to go...

All I want to do is cry

And I realize this is such an irrational response, but this is how I feel.

My child decided he wants to go visit his dad on the west coast for Thanksgiving week. I said ok not really thinking his dad would be able to come up with the money to buy the ticket. I was wrong he found the money or said he had. It took him forever to send me the flight information and then only the flight leaving home not the one coming back. So I clung to the hope that he didn't buy the return flight and if that was the case I wasn't sending him there since I wasn't going to buy the return flight.

Well tonight he finally sent me the return flight information and its a day later than we had talked about. I am pissed!!! We discussed my son missing one day of school and now he is going to miss two days and he isn't getting back until 8:55PM on Tuesday night. So Wednesday is going to be a hell of a day for my son which is going to make the rest of the week really bad too.

When I mentioned the extra day, the fact that I was just finding out about it now, and how late my son is getting in the ex got indignant with me!!!! I am so annoyed. He said that there is a weather advisory for Monday so he couldn't schedule the flight on Monday and that there is an issue for the weekend too so the only other choice was Tuesday. Then the ex says "what's the big deal with the child doesn't go to bed until 9:45PM anyway??? The big deal is the plane is supposed to land at 8:55 but there is no guarantee that it will and then I will have to get him home so I figure it will be 10pm by the time I get home and then he has to unwind to get up the next morning.

This all around just blows!!! I asked the ex to change the flight to an earlier one but I doubt he will since he is pissed at me since I didn't have a conversation with him about possibly piercing the child's ears.

All I want to do is cry right now. I don't want to my child to be elsewhere on a holiday, even if it is only on Thanksgiving, I don't want my child to fly across the country by himself, but most selfishly I don't want my child to enjoy himself and consider moving with his father. I just want to cry.

Thinking I would like a fresh start...

But know I won't try for it anytime soon.

I feel so defeated lately. I let Dude Man back into my life but he only wanted to be friends again so he could ask for money, I never answered but would have said no. My child is fighting me at EVERY turn!! I feel like I am living in a war zone and losing battles left and right but am determined to win the war. And I am not happy with my job, its just a job not a career. I would really like to find that one thing that excites me and makes me want to go to work on a daily basis not dread it.

Lets break this down: Dude Man--I let him back into my life knowing that he had already shown his true colors I knew he was going to disappear again but I let him anyway? Why am I not strong enough to say no, you cannot come back into my life bc you left it once before and will do it again?

The child: He is so unbending, anything that doesn't go according to his plan or if he doesn't get his way and he will flip out. And it can be so nasty!! He tells me that I don't support him and that I hate everything he does which leads to the "I'm moving to NM" statement. He always backs down from the threat to move, how long will he continue to change his mind about the move? All I can think about when he says he is going to move is that I am a failure as a mother if I cannot raise my child. I always shoot down his lack of support and my hatred of his hobbies and it gets tiring going in circles. Will this sink into him any time soon? Will he realize that by me driving him all over the place to different skate parks that I am supporting him? WHEN??? I don't think I can take much more of this.

The job: I thought moving into the line of work I am in would be a career but two different jobs in two different sectors and I know I was wrong. I do not like this field. I would really like to help people in some way. I think about going back to school to get my masters but then the money aspect of it all stops me, how am I going to pay for it??? Do I really want to get loans so that when I graduate I am in an even worse financial state than I am now??? I am over thinking this decision and talking myself out of it. Maybe someday I will get it into gear and figure the school thing at.

So all this adds up to me needing a fresh start, somewhere outside of MD perhaps? I have always wanted to move south. But I know that as hard as things are for me I won't move anywhere, not while the child is still in school. I have worked to hard for him to be close to both families to move away from that, I feel strongly that he needs to be surrounded by family. So I need to suck it the fuck up and figure out a way to get through this and get happy again.

Lunch date again...

So he has been texting and I have been ignoring but for some reason I decided to answer his texts/calls tonight and boy am I regretting that.

He decided to try to tell me how he didn't do anything wrong and I completely misunderstood him and didn't give him a chance to explain that when he invited me to the hotel he didn't mean for sex, no he meant just so we could be together.

He actually asked if I thought he would be so respectful for so long if he was only after sex? Why yes I do think you played the Christian aspect of your life to me only to come in and try for a piece of ass. And now that you failed you think telling me you love me and can't stop thinking of me is going to make me drop my drawers. Um no sir, you fail and need to go away.

I did tell him that, hopefully he gets the hint. I will NOT be returning any messages from him again!!!

Last strike out

I had been trying a new dating site up until a few months ago. I swear I know people who have met their significant others online and are blissfully happy, I also swear I am not one of those people who is destined to find someone online.

So I meet this man and he seems nice if not a tad over religious but I think to myself, hey why not give him a chance. "You never know until you try it" and "Never judge a book by its cover" are what I keep repeating to myself so as not to repeat the same tattooed patterns I had been.

We meet in person and he is a nice enough man, a bit conservative and that makes me nervous since I am so not but I figure why not keep talking to him. He starts meeting me for lunch once a week and since I only get a half hour and he lives 40 min away he is really putting in a decent effort. Its nice to be doted on, he also pays for everything. I feel bad about this so we are going to the movies and I get there first and pay and he was highly offended that I paid, he said it made him look bad. This probably should have been a warning but I let that slide.

Things are progressing, a bit slowly, bc we live so far away from each other and he is a nurse so he works crazy hours. Then one Friday we are discussing our Sat night plans and this is the text exchange:

Lunch date: We will see each other tomorrow right?

Me: Tomorrow evening, what would you like to do?

Lunch date: Yes tomorrow evening. I was thinking maybe we can have dinner and then maybe if it si oke with you maybe we can spend alone time. Maybe we can check into hotel and spend alone time together, we don't have to stay over night. What do you think?

Well I thought he was nuts and I wasn't really happy being propositioned and I told him so. Which he then got offended bc I didn't want to see him. He ends the text conversation with something like this: "I thought this was going somewhere, I put too much faith in you, I am a good person I will find what I am looking for I hope you do to." I thought it was done, I didn't respond to that and just let it go.

Then on Monday/Tuesday he starts sending me apologizing texts and one said he was upset bc I wasn't understanding him. Well if this is how you act when you are misunderstood then I am really glad I let him go. A full week after the "alone time" texticapade. He sends me another text asking if I have ever been in love with someone but didn't know how to tell them. I told him Nope, never happened and then he proceeds to tell me his heart was closed off until he met me and he is in love with me. I told him I thought he was more right a week ago and good luck finding someone else.

What the hell buddy, no you do not love me!! You thought that by saying that you would get into my panties and you would be wrong. The crazy alert bell was ringing for this one and I am glad I got out when I did. But he will forever be known as the "alone time guy".