To post of not to post...

I am frustrated with work and some situations that have arisen as of late. I have a nice blog detailing (as vague as possible) some of my greievence but I don't think its appropriate to post which is annoying but I do not want to hurt any future employment by complaining about current employment. Blah!

So instead I will post some funnies from my child:
He is staying with his father at his grandmothers house where his aunt, uncle, and 2 cousins live. The other day his cousins came home with posters for their room and the monster was upset b/c he didn't get one. I know spoiled kid but whatever. So that night we went to Walmart (which if you know me you know that is a feat in itself). I bought him a new skateboard toy and told him we had to pick out things for his cousins since he was getting something new. He asked why so I reminded him of the poster incident and asked what he thought of doing the same thing to them. He response was "its payback". Oy vey! kid. He said it with a strait face too. So I had to explain that we would not be doing that and he needed to get them something so they wouldn't feel bad.

Another one: The monster has gotten in the habit of saying things like I am your favority son/child when he is asking for things. "Please, I am your favorite child/son" well he and his dad were talking and somehow his father being his favorite father came up and the monster says "your my favority, for now" LMAO!!! too funny. I love that he qualified it, for now. He NEVER says that to me! Hee hee. I love my son!

Musings...

Over the weekend I was out with the child, my brother, and some friends. I was sending a text message but wouldn't tell my brother to who so my child responds "its her new boyfriend that she hasn't told me about yet." The funny thing is that it is a new gentlemen that I am talking to but he is not my boyfriend. So this has taught me that my child is annoyingly observant.

If you offer to help me and I tell you what I need but you push it back on me how is that helpful? I am just asking. I am so annoyed with work people.

What is wrong with people

Tonight in Baltimore a man was killed while riding his motorcycle. The motorcyclist was driving at "a high rate of speed" and swerved to avoid crashing into a dirt bike going slower. He swerved into a pole and died. This is sad and my heart goes out to his family. This is unfortunatly not uncommon but the dirt bike issue is. So the driver of the dirt bike was holding on to a 2 year old child which probably explains the driver going slower then the motorcycle. The dirt bike driver dropped the child off in an alley and fled the scene of the accident. Yes you read that right this ASSHOLE dropped a child off in the middle of the alley to flee an accident.
Oh but wait there's more... the child was reunited with his family and the family is not cooperating with police. So here is my question, why would the cops give a family back a child was allowed to go on a joy ride in someone's arms on a dirt bike??????? Since the family is not helping out I can only assume they are covering 1. their ass's for letting someone drive with a 2 year old on a dirt bike in their arms and 2. that person who was involved in the crash. What is wrong with people???? Child protective services needs to step in and take that child away from parents who are not protecting their child!!!

Insanity

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome.
I think I have finally gotten to the point with the ex that I am never going to believe another thing he says to me again. I am so tired of his shit and just thankful that I didn't tell my son about this latest act of stupidity.
So yesterday the Captain calls to tell me he is leaving his wife and that things have gotten really bad and that her ex husband has gotten her an apartment for her and her kids and that she is leaving him on 2/1. He asks for my help to get back to MD from GA. I asked him if he was sure this was what he wanted to do, he was adamant. Fine I will help, like a fucking fool!!!! The only smart thing I did yesterday is not tell my son that his dad may be coming up here to live.
Well I hadn't heard from him since late yesterday so I am curious if he actually got on the bus to come here, he said he did. Then all of a sudden his wife wants him back and he wants to work things out with her. Fine. Good. Great. He owes me $100!!!
I was kind of excited with the idea of having help, not having to ask people to watch the monster if I want to go out. I am tired of it and I don't want to take advantage of people so I don't ask very often. I thought with the captain back in this state he might help with his child. I was wrong his dick always wins out. Now I know I shouldn't be that crude about it but I am mad.
So this is it I am at the end of my rope, I do not want him to ask me for help anymore when he can't pay his rent for his wife and her kids (just to clarify, I never gave him rent money) or whatever else is his problem. I am so done its not funny!!!
I just feel bad for my son. Even if he doesn't know of the opportunity he just lost, I do and I feel for him. So I will no longer believe anything the ex tells me b/c believing him is the definition of insanity.

Why, just why....

Today I get a call from the ex, he is about to be evicted with his wife and her three kids and no one will help them, will I?
I know the answer should be a resonding hell no butthead but then I think of the kids and they are innocent in all of this and they don't deserve to be put out on the street. I hate that he did this to me! I feel like I have to try to help him but how, I don't have the money and if I give it to him I am taking away money I would like for my car which helps me drive my son around, for Christmas for my son, for food for my son, ect. I am so annoyed right now b/c I know I need to tell him no but I feel like absolute crap.
He says he has called his family and they have all either not answered or turned him down??? I am tempted to call them myself and ask them b/c if he is lying that will make my no a lot easier to say...
ARG!!! I hate divorce, its never flipping ending, this is ridiculous!

Kick me, please I beg you....

When it rains it pours!

Things with my family aren't going well. Work has been stressful. The child has had an attitude, it feels like its coming from all sides right now and I am angry. All I want is a vacation where when I come back things will be fine. I know wishful thinking, I cannot run away from this.

But I am tired of taking it. Yesterday I was complimented on my shirt. I said I like it but the sleeves are tight, they were tight when I bought it I was going to return it but I needed it for an interview. Well the woman I said that to says " its not the sleeves that are tight" so was she implying that its my arms that are fat? Gee thanks...

Today is my son's birthday. I brought in cupcakes to share. I offered it to a co-worker (not the same one from yesterdays comment) and she asks how old my son is. I told her nine and she says wow you started early, how old were you? So I tell her I was 17 to which she responds wow. So I say yes I was young but I went to college, got my degree, and am doing pretty well for myself. Where do people get off judging???? It is not my fault she waited until her 30's to have her children. She can kiss my large white ass!!!

I am done. I just want to be left the hell alone to do my job and go home.

Family frustration

Recently I have been noticing the fact that my mom has the tendency to jump down my throat about things but not my brother for the same behavior. Its been driving me nuts. Also I have become the butt of all jokes and they get said over and over in front of anyone who is around. I am just tired of it. I actually walked out on Fathers day dinner b/c I was so annoyed with the family.

So the recent blow up happened after the monsters birthday party ended. The family and my closest friends were hanging out when my brother gets annoyed with my fathers comment and flicks him off then I chime in so he flicks me off. I point out to my mom the evidently I need to grow some balls and grow tall and skinny and I won't get bitched out for flicking people off. My brother responds in what world would you be skinny. Oh shithead fine, I let it go.
So fast forward a little bit and my brother brings out a corona for himself and our dad but he doesn't bring the bottle opener b/c he thinks the tops are twist off. Most people know that isn't true so we pick on him for this and he gets all pissy and my dad tells me to back off my brother. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!
At the end of July I threw a welcome home BBQ for the monster at my house, I bought charcoal and asked the guy for matchlight but the stuff he pointed out needed lighter fluid. My dad was all over me for that in front of everyone and even brought it back up at the monsters birthday party. But I cannot say anything to my brother about not bringing out a bottle opener.
I so frustrated with the obvious babying of my brother I decide its time for me to get my stuff and get out of there so I start cleaning up but my mom says I can wait and get stuff the following day when I say no I want it all tonight she gets mad at me for being mad.
I point out that my brother does the same thing I do but nothing gets said to him. She launches into this whole thing about she doesn't know why I can't see that she loves us both and that she treats us the same. I pointed out that no she does not and she still can't see it. She has told me before that I am critical of her so I point out that she is of me as well and site examples which she doesn't remember and then says that she bites her tongue a lot. So that is supposed to make it better???? again are you kidding me????? I feel like no matter how much I do she is never happy with things for example yes I got pregnant at 17 but I have worked my ass off to take care of myself and get no credit for it. She said that she cannot tell me she is proud of me or that I did a good job b/c it will make my brothers feel bad. Why can she not tell me I did a good job at something and that each one of the boys did something good too? I guess none of us do anything to make her proud...
So I let things go with my mom get my stuff together and leave. I call my dad and tell him I don't appreciate being chastised in front of everyone when my brother is allowed to hit below the belt and gets away with it, he claims he pulled him aside to say something but I didn't see it and neither did my friend who was there but whatever. He then goes on to say he is sorry that I don't like the way he runs things at his house. So basically he is saying tough shit!

The next day at church my mom won't sit with us. The thing about that is that one Sunday I sat behind her and she had a fit b/c she didn't want people to think something was wrong, we have to sit together as a family she said at the time but now she sat with my other brother (not the one who made the asshole comment). I highly doubt she didn't see me b/c 1. she called to see if I was on my way so she knew I would be there 2. my car was parked right in front of the door she walked in and 3. I was sitting on the isle in a bright orange shirt, hard to miss!!! So after the service I have to talk to her b/c I need to get something my brother borrowed from me and she is like so you are still mad. How in the hell am I supposed to feel?????

Ok fine. As it is painfully obvious that I am not only the ugly step child in my moms eyes but now my dads too I will deal with it. I was having a conversation with the monster about his dad and trying to explain to him that unfortunatly he cannot change his dads behavior but he can change how he reacts to his father. Funny how this advice is just what I need to do myself when it comes to my family.

I will get over things with my family and I will try to figure out a way for the monster to see his grandparents without me having to be there so that I don't have to put myself into the uncomfortable position often. My mom will just have to get over it, I am done! I will try to change how I react to her obvious babying of my brothers.
Only time will tell if I am strong enough to walk away from this but I am going to try my damdest.