Not enough of me to go around

Some days I feel like there is not enough of me to go around!!! I am so tired but feel obligated to go on with my plans for today which include Church where I have to print out a bunch of information for a meeting afterwards and get the Christmas Eve sign up sheets out. Then somehow get the kid to his dad's mom bc he wasn't there yesterday as usual. Then get the kid to the skatepark since he missed that yesterday. Then go to my aunts house for a party lite party which is 45 min away. Only to have to come back to get the kid and head home where I will have to get dinner ready and work on the laundry.

So the reason we missed things yesterday was bc the kid had a karate belt test and afterwards we didn't go to the town his dad's family lives in. Why didn't we bc for once I got to stay home on Sat and do things around the house. Which I haven't done in MONTHS it was heavenly!!! But now I have to make up for that today???? ARG. Now taking the kid to the skate park isn't a problem, it will actually help bc he won't have to go to the party lite party and be bored. However getting him to his dad's mom is the problem. I am frustrated when his father calls from across the f--ing country to make me feel bad that I didn't get the child to his family.

Please don't misunderstand I do love his dad's mom, she is an awesome person and great grandmother to my son and a great support for me however sometimes its just hard to get the child over there and his father is no help at all since 3 years ago he decided to leave the state to follow his newest lady friend. Well he married that lady friend and then she went crazy and they split, now rather than return to his childs state he went even further away. So why does he get to make me feel bad if I can't do it all? ARG! The only reason I feel so bad about it is that my son's grandmother is such an awesome person and loves my son unconditionally!

But I still wish I had some help so that I could get everything I need to done...

The monster strikes again...

Last Friday I went to the ex laws for a Mary Kay party in support of one of the monster's aunts. While there I said I would host a party and if I get just 3 people to come I get a free ring. Its very costumie but I like it. The hostess even said she would get me a purple one. So on my way home I was talking to my friend and telling him about the ring. I mentioned it looked like an engagement ring to which the peanut gallery pipes up to say "well that's the closest you are going to get to an engagement ring for a while" What the hell did I ever do to this kid? Sheesh!!!

Another one bites the dust...

So I met this guy online about 3 weeks ago and I thought we hit it off pretty well over the phone things were awesome but in person I guess not so much. We saw each other Sat night and I thought it was nice but when we spoke Sunday he said he felt "distance" and all this started bc I asked him to stop rubbing my leg. I didn't tell him to move his hand just stop with the rubbing. Evidently I am crazy bc I don't like to have someone running their hands on my legs/arms all the time. ARG. I thought we talked it out but wrong bc it blew up yesterday.

I thought we were done yesterday bc nothing I said mattered he seemed to have made up his mind that I was uncaring and didn't want to be with him. But towards the end of the night he said we should see where this could go, ok lets try that I thought. But today he just dropped off the face of the earth. AT LEAST HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL SOMEONE WHAT YOU ARE THINKING!!! I mean come on now have some common decency.

So I have decided I am done with dating. I have deleted all my profiles from dating sites and am not in the mood for any of this shit anymore. I guess its too much to ask to find a man that I like who likes me back. One who has a job, his own place, and a LIFE! I want to find a guy that is his own person and understands I am my own person. I know what I like and want in a relationship and am not going to settle for anything else. Why shouldn't I speak up about something I am not into? I do not want to become and "n" person again, you know JanenJohn they become one entity. So bc I don't think that person is around right now I am going to go on a dating hiatus. What is the point?

Fall

I love the fall! I love the colors. I love the smells. I love fall decor. I love pulling out my confortable sweats to wear at home. I love wrapping up in my favorite sweater or hoodie. I love everything about the fall. Now its the end of September, where is fall? I am tired of the heat even though its not that hot right now, its still humid!
I have been fighting the urge to get out my fall stuff and start changing over my house but I think I am done fighting that urge this weekend. It is time for fall, maybe if I decorate fall will come.

Another gem from the monster

Everynight the monster is supposed to read for 20 min. He gets his book willingly but then he gets distracted by everything!!! Its very frustrating to deal with him asking questions and wanting to talk only for me to look at him and realize he has decided this is his reading time! and he thinks that the converstation counts as his reading time so if he starts at 8:05 then asks me a question and we talk for 5 min, he still stops at 8:25, thinking nothing of it.

Last night as he is reading he starts singing out loud, when I ask what he is doing he responds "multitasking, can't you?" ARG! The mouth on this one. I swear.

10 years ago today...

I was awoken at 2 AM with the beginnings of labor. By 6pm 10 years ago I was checked into the hospital waiting on the arrival of my little guy. Then at 7:03AM on 9/9/00 he was born.

Now I do not consider myself an overly emotional person but just thinking about the fact that my child is going to be 10 years old tomorrow has thrown me through a ridiculous loop!! I pulled out his baby photos, I posted one on the FB and everything! I have been thinking about tomorrow's FB post and everything I think about is incredibly cheesy but all true. I look at him and am just amazed at how fast he has grown and how much he is like me and my family. I am so blessed to have been given the opportunity to raise this child and just pray I do not cause to high a therapist bill when he is an adult.

I have been stressing about how to celebrate his big day for months. He decided he didn't want a party b/c he wanted me to buy him a long board!! He knows how expensive the boards are and thought he had a better chance of getting it if I didn't throw the party. He got his way and there is no party and he got the board tonight which has him too excited its unreal. Tomorrow I will wake him up with a present and have one to match on my desk at work since he is going with me for my half day of work. Then I will take him to the skate park before home for dinner and ice cream cake. We then have cake/ice cream with my fam on Sat night and his dad's family on Sunday afternoon. Then next Friday a karaoke night with some of my friends. So for not having a party this child sure is getting to celebrate an awful lot!

Well off to make sure his gift is ready for tomorrow as my child grows into a man....(so not ready for what's coming next!!!)

I broke it off...

With the guy that I have been seeing since May, it didn't go so well. I was worried it wouldn't so it took me a while to get up the courage to break up with him. I feel bad b/c he's a good guy just so not the guy for me. He wants much more from a relationship than I do and he wants to move at warp speed which was just annoying. I know some women would swoon over this stuff but not me, I know I am odd and probably broken.
He accused me of breaking up with him b/c he is not good enough for me, I swear if he were standing in front of me I would have punched him for that stupid comment! I do not think I am too good for him I think I want a different kind of relationship. I felt very pressured and yes I probably should have told him all of this but at the point when I felt it I just shut down.
I have an on/off switch, I don't know what flicks it but its there and he flipped it and I was done. Sorry, there is no nice way to say that so I tried to be as nice and gentle as possible but he kept goading me into it. blah!!!
So there it is we are broken up and I am single once again. I think its better this way as the monster has decided to not want to stay the night with the ex laws which ends my time in the dating pool. Fun times...