The holiday season is upon us. I am typically quite excited about the holiday's and all that entails but this year something is off with my Christmas spirit and I cannot seem to get it on track.
I did decorate for Halloween/Fall on Sept 1st or as close to that as a weekend would allow.
Then I switched to only fall on Nov 1st. But its Dec 4th and I haven't done anything at home for the house. I do have a lot of my Christmas gifts bought and sort of organized. My office is also decorated and I have attended Holiday craft fairs, take a holiday photo with my mom, and attended a holiday festival. And yet I still feel blah.
I was just telling people around me that this holiday season feels different, people seem meaner and more cranky than usual but maybe it's me not letting it roll of my back like I would other times.
So what are some tricks people use to get out of this December funk? I am just over this month already and I normally love it. Sad this year.
Monday, December 4, 2017
Saturday, July 8, 2017
The Struggle is real...
And I don't know why I am struggling so much. I just feel like crap all the time. I can't seem to shake the feeling EVER. I am forcing myself to carry on with my over booked schedule bc that is what I think I should be doing when in reality all I want to do is lay around my house. I want to watch movies, read books or magazines, and eat crappy food. It kills me to be out of the house and with people, I want to be at home alone mostly. But then I know I will regret hiding away in the house which will only make me feel worse so I force myself out of the house.
Working out is supposed to make you feel better bc it gets the natural hormones flowing, I think my body is broken, there is very little time when I am at the gym that I am not feeling like crap. I go bc as I am feeling like crap I am also taking more liberties with my diet so I have to attempt to work out more but I also know that the saying, you cannot out train a poor diet is so very true for me. I know I need to eat healthy all the time but all I want is to eat junk and to drink wine, both of which are just empty calories.
I figure I need to go talk to someone and see what they suggest bc this is taking it's toll on my family. I am getting what I need to get done in other aspects of my life, work isn't perfect but I am getting things done. Church isn't perfect but I am getting things done. I am getting to the gym. I am meeting most of my commitments. but when I am home I know I am more testy than I should be. I know that I am not getting things done around the house like cooking or cleaning heck even grocery shopping is taking a backseat to doing nothing. sitting and watching movies or even napping.
Today the struggle is so real but yet I am going to get up shower visit a friends home and then head over to meet up with a friend before heading home for a evening of hopefully nothing to do.
Working out is supposed to make you feel better bc it gets the natural hormones flowing, I think my body is broken, there is very little time when I am at the gym that I am not feeling like crap. I go bc as I am feeling like crap I am also taking more liberties with my diet so I have to attempt to work out more but I also know that the saying, you cannot out train a poor diet is so very true for me. I know I need to eat healthy all the time but all I want is to eat junk and to drink wine, both of which are just empty calories.
I figure I need to go talk to someone and see what they suggest bc this is taking it's toll on my family. I am getting what I need to get done in other aspects of my life, work isn't perfect but I am getting things done. Church isn't perfect but I am getting things done. I am getting to the gym. I am meeting most of my commitments. but when I am home I know I am more testy than I should be. I know that I am not getting things done around the house like cooking or cleaning heck even grocery shopping is taking a backseat to doing nothing. sitting and watching movies or even napping.
Today the struggle is so real but yet I am going to get up shower visit a friends home and then head over to meet up with a friend before heading home for a evening of hopefully nothing to do.
Sunday, April 23, 2017
What I should have said....
So my son is set to graduate next year and the senior year stuff has already started, senior ring already purchased and he has, portrait appointment is set, graduation has been discussed. We have learned that each student only gets 6 tickets to graduation, my son told me he wants those tickets to go to his 3 grandparents, a great aunt (who was instrumental in getting him to school for a number of years) me and my live in BF (who I have been with for 5 years now and will be 6 by the time graduation rolls around). This leaves his father out. So we told his dads mom today of the plans and possible issue with tickets and I called his father to let him know. Here is how the conversation went:
Him: hello, is everything alright (I don't call very often, if I can help it)
Me: yea fine, did you listen to my voicemail
Him: no
Me: ok well were you planning to come next year for the kids graduation bc we learned that each student only gets a certain amount of tickets so there might not be enough
Him: he's my son I already told my wife I will be there
Me: well I am not sure there will be enough tickets
Him: who is going
Me: the grandparents, great aunt, myself and the BF, the man who has been living with us for 5 years
him: he's my son I am going (getting upset and rather rude in tone)
me: you don't have to talk to me like that, I am trying to have a conversation with you
him: well this is how you used to talk to me all the time
Me: fine, as soon as you show me proof that you are coming I will see if I can get you an extra ticket
Him: he's my son I get to be there.
Not sure how we ended the conversation but this was the gist of the fun conversation I had tonight. So let me tell you that I had a conversation with the kid and he doesn't want his father there, he listed all other family members who he would get tickets for over his father. I am not sure my child will tell his father this so I didn't think I should get nasty but as I still here stewing over the stupidity of this I feel there is more I should have said.
I should have pointed out that the person calling himself a father hasn't seen my son in 3 plus years as of now and by graduation it will be closer to 5 years so why does he feel he gets a ticket? I should have pointed out that I haven't gotten rude with him in a long time, I have grown up and gotten over our stuff so he needs to grow up as well and get over himself so that we can talk rationally.
Lastly I should have told him that once he can prove to me that he has a plane ticket and will be here the day of graduation is when I will work on getting him a ticket. Now I figure I will wind up telling him this but I will wait until I have the graduation date. I had spoke to the BF and he is willing to give up his ticket to the person calling himself my son's father but I am not sure that he should, the BF has been living with us for the past 5 years, he is the one who has gone to the kids baseball games and drum shows, he is the one who picked up the slack when the person calling himself a father stopped paying child support bc a new job didn't take it out of his check. I guess it was too difficult to write a check and mail it in himself to make sure that his fatherly duties were taken care of. Oh but he is the father. What the hell ever buddy. You may be a great step-father but you are a slacker when it comes to you biological child and you can kiss my lily white butt if I am going to help you when you act like a fool. I am done being nice and trying to help him have a relationship with my son. He can figure that out all on his own since he seems to think that weekly calls make a father. not so much buddy, not so much.
I can see the next year leading up to graduation is going to bring the drama back into my life and I was pretty excited that things were going well. This male had become a non issue to my life and now all of a sudden he is going to be a big headache. I will update when there is more. Fun times ahead for me.
Him: hello, is everything alright (I don't call very often, if I can help it)
Me: yea fine, did you listen to my voicemail
Him: no
Me: ok well were you planning to come next year for the kids graduation bc we learned that each student only gets a certain amount of tickets so there might not be enough
Him: he's my son I already told my wife I will be there
Me: well I am not sure there will be enough tickets
Him: who is going
Me: the grandparents, great aunt, myself and the BF, the man who has been living with us for 5 years
him: he's my son I am going (getting upset and rather rude in tone)
me: you don't have to talk to me like that, I am trying to have a conversation with you
him: well this is how you used to talk to me all the time
Me: fine, as soon as you show me proof that you are coming I will see if I can get you an extra ticket
Him: he's my son I get to be there.
Not sure how we ended the conversation but this was the gist of the fun conversation I had tonight. So let me tell you that I had a conversation with the kid and he doesn't want his father there, he listed all other family members who he would get tickets for over his father. I am not sure my child will tell his father this so I didn't think I should get nasty but as I still here stewing over the stupidity of this I feel there is more I should have said.
I should have pointed out that the person calling himself a father hasn't seen my son in 3 plus years as of now and by graduation it will be closer to 5 years so why does he feel he gets a ticket? I should have pointed out that I haven't gotten rude with him in a long time, I have grown up and gotten over our stuff so he needs to grow up as well and get over himself so that we can talk rationally.
Lastly I should have told him that once he can prove to me that he has a plane ticket and will be here the day of graduation is when I will work on getting him a ticket. Now I figure I will wind up telling him this but I will wait until I have the graduation date. I had spoke to the BF and he is willing to give up his ticket to the person calling himself my son's father but I am not sure that he should, the BF has been living with us for the past 5 years, he is the one who has gone to the kids baseball games and drum shows, he is the one who picked up the slack when the person calling himself a father stopped paying child support bc a new job didn't take it out of his check. I guess it was too difficult to write a check and mail it in himself to make sure that his fatherly duties were taken care of. Oh but he is the father. What the hell ever buddy. You may be a great step-father but you are a slacker when it comes to you biological child and you can kiss my lily white butt if I am going to help you when you act like a fool. I am done being nice and trying to help him have a relationship with my son. He can figure that out all on his own since he seems to think that weekly calls make a father. not so much buddy, not so much.
I can see the next year leading up to graduation is going to bring the drama back into my life and I was pretty excited that things were going well. This male had become a non issue to my life and now all of a sudden he is going to be a big headache. I will update when there is more. Fun times ahead for me.
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