Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Mom life

I cannot imagine my life without my son but man some days I hate mom life. I hate all the fighting, I hate having to be the bad guy all the time, I hate have to micro manage him but most of all I hate that he is growing up. I was never one of those people who wanted to be a mom or dreamed of being a mom, that might be bc I had my son when I was 17 so I didn't have much time to dream about being a mom. But ever since I had him he has been my life. I have tried to be there for him, I have tried to be a active mother, meeting his teachers, being a team mom when he played ball, taking him to different skate parks when he was into that, and getting involved with the music department in his high school. I want to make sure that he knows that I am supporting him dreams. I want him to know that I will be there for him. Ever since high school started for him I have been dreading him graduating and moving away. I don't know why this has been so stressful for me. Its the natural progression of life, you grow up graduate and start life as an adult. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that my whole adult life has been being his mom, there was no time before for me to be an adult on my own so as he has grown so have I. Where will I be once he has graduated and moved out. Will I still be known as his mom? I know I will always be his mom and always be a mom but him graduating feels like a big part of my life is coming to an end, am I ready for this?

This might be why I think about having another child, since I still can and then that would delay me having to be an adult on my own for another 18 years. holy cow batman, this realization just came to me as I am typing this entry out.