Recently I have been noticing the fact that my mom has the tendency to jump down my throat about things but not my brother for the same behavior. Its been driving me nuts. Also I have become the butt of all jokes and they get said over and over in front of anyone who is around. I am just tired of it. I actually walked out on Fathers day dinner b/c I was so annoyed with the family.
So the recent blow up happened after the monsters birthday party ended. The family and my closest friends were hanging out when my brother gets annoyed with my fathers comment and flicks him off then I chime in so he flicks me off. I point out to my mom the evidently I need to grow some balls and grow tall and skinny and I won't get bitched out for flicking people off. My brother responds in what world would you be skinny. Oh shithead fine, I let it go.
So fast forward a little bit and my brother brings out a corona for himself and our dad but he doesn't bring the bottle opener b/c he thinks the tops are twist off. Most people know that isn't true so we pick on him for this and he gets all pissy and my dad tells me to back off my brother. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!
At the end of July I threw a welcome home BBQ for the monster at my house, I bought charcoal and asked the guy for matchlight but the stuff he pointed out needed lighter fluid. My dad was all over me for that in front of everyone and even brought it back up at the monsters birthday party. But I cannot say anything to my brother about not bringing out a bottle opener.
I so frustrated with the obvious babying of my brother I decide its time for me to get my stuff and get out of there so I start cleaning up but my mom says I can wait and get stuff the following day when I say no I want it all tonight she gets mad at me for being mad.
I point out that my brother does the same thing I do but nothing gets said to him. She launches into this whole thing about she doesn't know why I can't see that she loves us both and that she treats us the same. I pointed out that no she does not and she still can't see it. She has told me before that I am critical of her so I point out that she is of me as well and site examples which she doesn't remember and then says that she bites her tongue a lot. So that is supposed to make it better???? again are you kidding me????? I feel like no matter how much I do she is never happy with things for example yes I got pregnant at 17 but I have worked my ass off to take care of myself and get no credit for it. She said that she cannot tell me she is proud of me or that I did a good job b/c it will make my brothers feel bad. Why can she not tell me I did a good job at something and that each one of the boys did something good too? I guess none of us do anything to make her proud...
So I let things go with my mom get my stuff together and leave. I call my dad and tell him I don't appreciate being chastised in front of everyone when my brother is allowed to hit below the belt and gets away with it, he claims he pulled him aside to say something but I didn't see it and neither did my friend who was there but whatever. He then goes on to say he is sorry that I don't like the way he runs things at his house. So basically he is saying tough shit!
The next day at church my mom won't sit with us. The thing about that is that one Sunday I sat behind her and she had a fit b/c she didn't want people to think something was wrong, we have to sit together as a family she said at the time but now she sat with my other brother (not the one who made the asshole comment). I highly doubt she didn't see me b/c 1. she called to see if I was on my way so she knew I would be there 2. my car was parked right in front of the door she walked in and 3. I was sitting on the isle in a bright orange shirt, hard to miss!!! So after the service I have to talk to her b/c I need to get something my brother borrowed from me and she is like so you are still mad. How in the hell am I supposed to feel?????
Ok fine. As it is painfully obvious that I am not only the ugly step child in my moms eyes but now my dads too I will deal with it. I was having a conversation with the monster about his dad and trying to explain to him that unfortunatly he cannot change his dads behavior but he can change how he reacts to his father. Funny how this advice is just what I need to do myself when it comes to my family.
I will get over things with my family and I will try to figure out a way for the monster to see his grandparents without me having to be there so that I don't have to put myself into the uncomfortable position often. My mom will just have to get over it, I am done! I will try to change how I react to her obvious babying of my brothers.
Only time will tell if I am strong enough to walk away from this but I am going to try my damdest.
