This past week there have been two comments about the fact that I was a teen mom. The first was really quite rude and the guy who made apologized immediately for it bc he knew he had gone to far. But it got me thinking that really after all these years my life is not defined by being a mom but being a teen mom. Then today my mom and I were discussing my brother. I was expressing my opinion that he is 31 and needs to grow up and take care of his stuff instead of dropping it on my parents like he is doing right now. She then says well you made a bad decision when you were 17. WOW nothing I ever do will be good or get her approval bc when I was 17 I got pregnant. Now mind you the brother who we were discussing got himself into trouble in hs too, he got expelled for a time, it was over turned but he too got into trouble. Does she bring this up with him? Does she hold things over his head? Nope she continues to clean up his messes and if I mention it she throws it in my face that I had my son as a teen.
And I let her get to me. As I am typing this, I have tears streaming down my face. I am not saying that for someone to tell me it is ok and the my mom is horrible. I am saying it to show that her opinion affects me and her words still have a way to cut me like a knife. For fuck sake the kid is about to graduate from HS he has a job and has a plan for his future but bc I had him when I was 17 he is tainted???
So let's look at what I have accomplished since I was 17. The last few months of my 17th year went as follows:
June: graduate high school
September: give birth
November: get married
January: start college
I took classes for 5 1/2 years to graduate. I also worked 30-35 hours a week and worked 5-6 days a week. I didn't take the easy way out. I worked. I have been paying my own bills since I got married.
I graduated from college a year after my ex left. I did have to work with a professor on a class a bit bc of the divorce but otherwise there was no delay in my studies, in fact I was able to graduate a semester before I thought I'd be able to. I worked my butt off. Yes my parents watched my son for me and paid for my degree (which they paid for both of my brothers to go to school too). The condition to watch my son was it had to be for school or work, they didn't watch him for me to go out and party. In fact I didn't go to a bar until I was 22 and with friends while my brother watched my son for me. My son was always my priority.
I was able to purchase a house when I was 31. My mother offered help with the down payment or rent at my last place but I declined I purchased this house on my terms.
My son may not have had everything he wanted and things were a struggle sometimes but I did have great family support. I had support from both my family, my son's family and the friends that have become family. And now I get support for my BF's family. I know that I am lucky that I have been able to accomplish what I have accomplished and that I wouldn't be here without the support of those around me.
But DAMN it was also me. It was also me that was going to school and working, sometimes 2 jobs, to help put food on the table. It was me that volunteered to be a team mom when the kid played baseball, it was me at his practices and games. It was me who drove to Delaware every weekend for a month to see him perform with the indoor drum line. It was me that volunteered with the band parents association and fundraisers for the band. This is all me, I did that.
So why does it matter anymore that I had him when I was young? Why have we not moved past this? How do I redefine myself as just a mom and not a teen mom? Why do I feel the need to qualify my accomplishments with an asterisk since I started younger than others and had help? I mean really haven't most people received help at one point in their lives or another?
I am not posting this for attention or to hear nice things about me, I am posting it as a reminder to myself that just bc I started young doesn't negate everything else I have done. My son is healthy and happy and about to graduate high school and I did that.
