Donuts with Dad....

So the monster has been horrible this week!!! I have been so frustrated and he finally brought up this dang gone donuts with dad thing that is scheduled for tomorrow.

Yet another reason to be annoyed with his father. I am so tired of the monster being disappointed by his father.

I am also so tired of the over dramaticness that is this child lately. I am sorry but its been 5 years since his father and I split. Its time to move on. Last year for donuts with dad he had many others who were willing to come with him including my dad, an uncle on my side and one on his dad's side. He is so uncompromising, its very frustrating!!

End of rant...

Something is wrong with me....

I have never been a girl who thought about rings and marriage and all of that stuff. Even when I got engaged I wasn't sure I wanted a wedding. I did have one and it was so much fun.

I would definitely do another wedding, another marriage, I am still up in the air about but that is another story. And I digress...

I have found myself looking at engagement rings at every chance I get??? What is wrong with me???? There is no man in sight so why am I looking at rings? The latest escapade into craziness came as I was reading an online article and saw an ad that I just had to click on which took me to the Brilliant Earth website...

I looked at all of the rings... they are so pretty. I HATED my wedding rings before so if I wind up engaged again I want to pick my own or at least know that whomever knows me well enough to pick out a nicer set than the first time around. It just wasn't me. My mom saw it before hand but didn't tell el captain that it was ugly, good looking out mom!

My poor car

I bought my first car 7 years ago next month. I love my car, I know its a silly PT with little under the engine but its mine. I have made every single payment on it. I have taken it to the shop when it needs a checkup/repairs. I cleaned it. Its all mine, its all me. Well its sick, sicker than I knew and I might have to part ways with my car.

I am not naive enough to think this day would never come, I mean good grief its got 126K miles on it. But its still happening faster than I was expecting. I am not prepared to say good bye. Which leads me to my dilemma do I pay $2000 + or do I trade it in and take a loss of less than $500? I have two options for trade, 1 is new PT and the 2nd is a used Patriot. I had been thinking that when the time came I would want a bigger vehicle and the Patriot fits the bill. But its a used car and the PT would be new. The price difference is nominal so that is not helping me make my decision either.

This is probably the main reason that I am still up and its midnight on a work night when I have been dragging every morning this week. Must figure out what I want to do. AAHHH!!!

Oh boy I think the girl thing may be starting...

I just found this on a piece of paper in the monsters handwriting:

"Dear__________ you have a cute ________________. If we were in the room together I would _________________. Me and you should ___________________. If you hugged me, I would _________________. You are _______________. I'd get your name tattooed on my___________________ "

I was freaking the hell out! When I gave it back to him his face went blank. I asked what it was and he said trash. So I opened it in front of him and that's when he told me it was his friends status and he wrote it down. So yes I logged into his FB to read his friends status. I am that parent. I almost feel like a monkey's ass for flipping out but still who wouldn't in my position?

Whew I feel like this was a close one... I AM NOT READY FOR GIRLS!!!!

Not enough of me to go around

Some days I feel like there is not enough of me to go around!!! I am so tired but feel obligated to go on with my plans for today which include Church where I have to print out a bunch of information for a meeting afterwards and get the Christmas Eve sign up sheets out. Then somehow get the kid to his dad's mom bc he wasn't there yesterday as usual. Then get the kid to the skatepark since he missed that yesterday. Then go to my aunts house for a party lite party which is 45 min away. Only to have to come back to get the kid and head home where I will have to get dinner ready and work on the laundry.

So the reason we missed things yesterday was bc the kid had a karate belt test and afterwards we didn't go to the town his dad's family lives in. Why didn't we bc for once I got to stay home on Sat and do things around the house. Which I haven't done in MONTHS it was heavenly!!! But now I have to make up for that today???? ARG. Now taking the kid to the skate park isn't a problem, it will actually help bc he won't have to go to the party lite party and be bored. However getting him to his dad's mom is the problem. I am frustrated when his father calls from across the f--ing country to make me feel bad that I didn't get the child to his family.

Please don't misunderstand I do love his dad's mom, she is an awesome person and great grandmother to my son and a great support for me however sometimes its just hard to get the child over there and his father is no help at all since 3 years ago he decided to leave the state to follow his newest lady friend. Well he married that lady friend and then she went crazy and they split, now rather than return to his childs state he went even further away. So why does he get to make me feel bad if I can't do it all? ARG! The only reason I feel so bad about it is that my son's grandmother is such an awesome person and loves my son unconditionally!

But I still wish I had some help so that I could get everything I need to done...

The monster strikes again...

Last Friday I went to the ex laws for a Mary Kay party in support of one of the monster's aunts. While there I said I would host a party and if I get just 3 people to come I get a free ring. Its very costumie but I like it. The hostess even said she would get me a purple one. So on my way home I was talking to my friend and telling him about the ring. I mentioned it looked like an engagement ring to which the peanut gallery pipes up to say "well that's the closest you are going to get to an engagement ring for a while" What the hell did I ever do to this kid? Sheesh!!!

Another one bites the dust...

So I met this guy online about 3 weeks ago and I thought we hit it off pretty well over the phone things were awesome but in person I guess not so much. We saw each other Sat night and I thought it was nice but when we spoke Sunday he said he felt "distance" and all this started bc I asked him to stop rubbing my leg. I didn't tell him to move his hand just stop with the rubbing. Evidently I am crazy bc I don't like to have someone running their hands on my legs/arms all the time. ARG. I thought we talked it out but wrong bc it blew up yesterday.

I thought we were done yesterday bc nothing I said mattered he seemed to have made up his mind that I was uncaring and didn't want to be with him. But towards the end of the night he said we should see where this could go, ok lets try that I thought. But today he just dropped off the face of the earth. AT LEAST HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL SOMEONE WHAT YOU ARE THINKING!!! I mean come on now have some common decency.

So I have decided I am done with dating. I have deleted all my profiles from dating sites and am not in the mood for any of this shit anymore. I guess its too much to ask to find a man that I like who likes me back. One who has a job, his own place, and a LIFE! I want to find a guy that is his own person and understands I am my own person. I know what I like and want in a relationship and am not going to settle for anything else. Why shouldn't I speak up about something I am not into? I do not want to become and "n" person again, you know JanenJohn they become one entity. So bc I don't think that person is around right now I am going to go on a dating hiatus. What is the point?

Fall

I love the fall! I love the colors. I love the smells. I love fall decor. I love pulling out my confortable sweats to wear at home. I love wrapping up in my favorite sweater or hoodie. I love everything about the fall. Now its the end of September, where is fall? I am tired of the heat even though its not that hot right now, its still humid!
I have been fighting the urge to get out my fall stuff and start changing over my house but I think I am done fighting that urge this weekend. It is time for fall, maybe if I decorate fall will come.

Another gem from the monster

Everynight the monster is supposed to read for 20 min. He gets his book willingly but then he gets distracted by everything!!! Its very frustrating to deal with him asking questions and wanting to talk only for me to look at him and realize he has decided this is his reading time! and he thinks that the converstation counts as his reading time so if he starts at 8:05 then asks me a question and we talk for 5 min, he still stops at 8:25, thinking nothing of it.

Last night as he is reading he starts singing out loud, when I ask what he is doing he responds "multitasking, can't you?" ARG! The mouth on this one. I swear.

10 years ago today...

I was awoken at 2 AM with the beginnings of labor. By 6pm 10 years ago I was checked into the hospital waiting on the arrival of my little guy. Then at 7:03AM on 9/9/00 he was born.

Now I do not consider myself an overly emotional person but just thinking about the fact that my child is going to be 10 years old tomorrow has thrown me through a ridiculous loop!! I pulled out his baby photos, I posted one on the FB and everything! I have been thinking about tomorrow's FB post and everything I think about is incredibly cheesy but all true. I look at him and am just amazed at how fast he has grown and how much he is like me and my family. I am so blessed to have been given the opportunity to raise this child and just pray I do not cause to high a therapist bill when he is an adult.

I have been stressing about how to celebrate his big day for months. He decided he didn't want a party b/c he wanted me to buy him a long board!! He knows how expensive the boards are and thought he had a better chance of getting it if I didn't throw the party. He got his way and there is no party and he got the board tonight which has him too excited its unreal. Tomorrow I will wake him up with a present and have one to match on my desk at work since he is going with me for my half day of work. Then I will take him to the skate park before home for dinner and ice cream cake. We then have cake/ice cream with my fam on Sat night and his dad's family on Sunday afternoon. Then next Friday a karaoke night with some of my friends. So for not having a party this child sure is getting to celebrate an awful lot!

Well off to make sure his gift is ready for tomorrow as my child grows into a man....(so not ready for what's coming next!!!)

I broke it off...

With the guy that I have been seeing since May, it didn't go so well. I was worried it wouldn't so it took me a while to get up the courage to break up with him. I feel bad b/c he's a good guy just so not the guy for me. He wants much more from a relationship than I do and he wants to move at warp speed which was just annoying. I know some women would swoon over this stuff but not me, I know I am odd and probably broken.
He accused me of breaking up with him b/c he is not good enough for me, I swear if he were standing in front of me I would have punched him for that stupid comment! I do not think I am too good for him I think I want a different kind of relationship. I felt very pressured and yes I probably should have told him all of this but at the point when I felt it I just shut down.
I have an on/off switch, I don't know what flicks it but its there and he flipped it and I was done. Sorry, there is no nice way to say that so I tried to be as nice and gentle as possible but he kept goading me into it. blah!!!
So there it is we are broken up and I am single once again. I think its better this way as the monster has decided to not want to stay the night with the ex laws which ends my time in the dating pool. Fun times...

To post of not to post...

I am frustrated with work and some situations that have arisen as of late. I have a nice blog detailing (as vague as possible) some of my greievence but I don't think its appropriate to post which is annoying but I do not want to hurt any future employment by complaining about current employment. Blah!

So instead I will post some funnies from my child:
He is staying with his father at his grandmothers house where his aunt, uncle, and 2 cousins live. The other day his cousins came home with posters for their room and the monster was upset b/c he didn't get one. I know spoiled kid but whatever. So that night we went to Walmart (which if you know me you know that is a feat in itself). I bought him a new skateboard toy and told him we had to pick out things for his cousins since he was getting something new. He asked why so I reminded him of the poster incident and asked what he thought of doing the same thing to them. He response was "its payback". Oy vey! kid. He said it with a strait face too. So I had to explain that we would not be doing that and he needed to get them something so they wouldn't feel bad.

Another one: The monster has gotten in the habit of saying things like I am your favority son/child when he is asking for things. "Please, I am your favorite child/son" well he and his dad were talking and somehow his father being his favorite father came up and the monster says "your my favority, for now" LMAO!!! too funny. I love that he qualified it, for now. He NEVER says that to me! Hee hee. I love my son!

Musings...

Over the weekend I was out with the child, my brother, and some friends. I was sending a text message but wouldn't tell my brother to who so my child responds "its her new boyfriend that she hasn't told me about yet." The funny thing is that it is a new gentlemen that I am talking to but he is not my boyfriend. So this has taught me that my child is annoyingly observant.

If you offer to help me and I tell you what I need but you push it back on me how is that helpful? I am just asking. I am so annoyed with work people.

What is wrong with people

Tonight in Baltimore a man was killed while riding his motorcycle. The motorcyclist was driving at "a high rate of speed" and swerved to avoid crashing into a dirt bike going slower. He swerved into a pole and died. This is sad and my heart goes out to his family. This is unfortunatly not uncommon but the dirt bike issue is. So the driver of the dirt bike was holding on to a 2 year old child which probably explains the driver going slower then the motorcycle. The dirt bike driver dropped the child off in an alley and fled the scene of the accident. Yes you read that right this ASSHOLE dropped a child off in the middle of the alley to flee an accident.
Oh but wait there's more... the child was reunited with his family and the family is not cooperating with police. So here is my question, why would the cops give a family back a child was allowed to go on a joy ride in someone's arms on a dirt bike??????? Since the family is not helping out I can only assume they are covering 1. their ass's for letting someone drive with a 2 year old on a dirt bike in their arms and 2. that person who was involved in the crash. What is wrong with people???? Child protective services needs to step in and take that child away from parents who are not protecting their child!!!

Insanity

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome.
I think I have finally gotten to the point with the ex that I am never going to believe another thing he says to me again. I am so tired of his shit and just thankful that I didn't tell my son about this latest act of stupidity.
So yesterday the Captain calls to tell me he is leaving his wife and that things have gotten really bad and that her ex husband has gotten her an apartment for her and her kids and that she is leaving him on 2/1. He asks for my help to get back to MD from GA. I asked him if he was sure this was what he wanted to do, he was adamant. Fine I will help, like a fucking fool!!!! The only smart thing I did yesterday is not tell my son that his dad may be coming up here to live.
Well I hadn't heard from him since late yesterday so I am curious if he actually got on the bus to come here, he said he did. Then all of a sudden his wife wants him back and he wants to work things out with her. Fine. Good. Great. He owes me $100!!!
I was kind of excited with the idea of having help, not having to ask people to watch the monster if I want to go out. I am tired of it and I don't want to take advantage of people so I don't ask very often. I thought with the captain back in this state he might help with his child. I was wrong his dick always wins out. Now I know I shouldn't be that crude about it but I am mad.
So this is it I am at the end of my rope, I do not want him to ask me for help anymore when he can't pay his rent for his wife and her kids (just to clarify, I never gave him rent money) or whatever else is his problem. I am so done its not funny!!!
I just feel bad for my son. Even if he doesn't know of the opportunity he just lost, I do and I feel for him. So I will no longer believe anything the ex tells me b/c believing him is the definition of insanity.