This year has been a difficult one for me. I have had this funk around me. I try to push through and I make myself go out and do things even when I HATE being out and with people. Becoming one with my couch has been much more enjoyable lately, not even pigging out just zoning out and watching netflix or some other TV shows. I think tonight I put a finger on what has been bugging me. I am so sad that my son is growing up and leaving me. In my head I can see the dad from My Big Fat Greek Wedding when he starts to whine, "why do you want to leave me" and I can totally understand that feeling.
Tonight we went to the band banquet, I drove myself and the kid came separately with his GF. Tomorrow we are all going to a baseball game. He asked for his and hers tickets tonight so they can drive together and I had to ask him if we could ride together. I even said I would ride with him, I don't need to drive, but I had to ask. IDK why this makes me want to cry but it surely does. That is when it hit me, this is going to be my life with him from now on.
He is going to continue to grow and become more independent and I am going to be on the sidelines. I know I have been on the sidelines for a while but now that he is driving and has a job my sideline position is growing and I am sad.
I was never a person to cry at life events, aside from funerals, but at happy events I don't cry at bc they are happy events and I don't want to cry during happy times. However at this moment when the child is moving on and growing up all I want to do is cry and bury my head in the sand. I have his senior pictures but have not been able to give them out. I have told people when his graduation party is but I have been unable to put out the official invite for this event. I am struggling and I think it's bc if I give out the pictures or officially plan the party it makes his growing up real and I am not ready.
Question: Why is he leaving me???
Answer: Because it's time and that is what happens when people grow up.
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